It is late and I’m in bed in the company of my own head.
Of late I have suffered the age old way with the demons depression and anxiety at play.
What is it, what one core and unique flaw swimming ever in my unconscious ready to drag me to this place where I can’t, I come face to face with reality looking it in the eye to watch it cry. I fear the terror of this space it is not the safe place I use to consume, satisfy and ignore the war which continues drags and dominates the day to day but here I am and so I stay.
Hello dear reader it has been a while, to speak with you again, it’s an excuse to smile and make sense of what comes hence as mad as it sounds the time has come around once more I explore the deep the dark the bottomless flaw.
I did think I had changed, made it and broken these strange patterns that so insist on repeating but at least I have learned I am far from the only one who ponders briefly, where they’re from? It is sad that, that oddly truth a reflection of terror I see in the aloof and that’s no spoof and under my own roof to so why do I not cry or sigh, look away and deny?
Its connection, its union, friendship and joy, to be human to see it in others, to recognise that same disguise we all put on, doesn’t matter where we’re from its natural, essential, a strange device that’s part of this life strife.
So here I am in my bed in the company of my own head, demons play their restless games but that ok, it won’t be the last time maybe not even today but I say again that is ok. We all suffer, we take that journey through turmoil and the self, where shadows lurk, creep across conscious minds we turn inside, we hide, divide, take sides and fight but stop…
Behind is a world of folk, each of which choke on the same smoke, cry sigh and fear to die, would sooner hide than confide but realise they to wear a disguise, compremise and lie.
You are not alone